Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
