awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
