oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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