Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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