brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize