If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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