i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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