I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
