I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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