We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
