I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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