just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
