good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
accomplished twins. life is a go
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize