Church boner. Awkwardddd
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
