i don't like sucking hair
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
