Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
