I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
