u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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