She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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