I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.