She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
