i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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