Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
