We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
