Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
