maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
