Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
