I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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