I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
