I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
