just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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