is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
