she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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