did you get engaged???
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
