Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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