Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
