Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
