How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
