i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
