Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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