i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
