chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
