Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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