Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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