Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
