I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
