thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
