I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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