before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
