He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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