the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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