We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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