Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
