$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
