You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
