I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
